I’d been at uni and working part-time as a barmaid in a pub when my life changed for ever.
I was standing at the bar just starting to pull a pint for a customer when HE walked in..
I stopped dead in my tracks and my arms went into a state of suspended animation when I saw him.
The funny thing was that HE also stood frozen in the middle of the room unable to move.
And, as each told the other later, we both KNEW that we were having the same effect on each other.
It was like each of us had been hit by a bolt of lightning.
Somehow I managed to finish pulling the pint for my customer and he managed to make his way across to the bar.
‘Hello there,’ I almost whispered. ‘What can I get you?’
‘A….a pint… of Ruddles County, please,’ he stammered
So I pulled his pint and he stayed propping up the bar, trying to talk to me as best as he could with all the comings and goings of customers.
I’d heard of twin souls but I’d never experienced anything like it. This was radically different from anything I’d known or expected and it went way beyond sexual attraction.
On the face of it we were a totally unlikely couple. He was fair-skinned and I was dark, he was a gauji and I was a Roma, and he was also a lot older than me.
As I found out later, twenty years older at 38 years to my 18.
But that didn’t bother me at all. I knew there was a primal spiritual connection between us and I knew at once that this was the man I was going to marry.
He told me his name was Mike and I told him my name was Linda. Mike was a lecturer in philosophy while I was only a student and on completely different courses.
He was tall and handsome and being 5ft 11 myself I liked the idea of a man I could look up to with him being 6ft 4 tall!
He stayed therre all evening and at closing time asked if he could take me home. I accepted at once and asked him to wait outside till we’d finished cleaning up.
When we were done I went outside and he took me back to my place. I asked him in for a coffee and I’d have been happy to have fucked him there and then.
But Mike was a perfect gentleman. As we sipped our coffees and talked he made no attempt to move in on me.
Since I knew we were connected and meant to be together I was puzzled. I wondered if he was shy so I moved closer towards him and smiled.
‘You can kiss me, you know,’ I said. ‘Assuming you want to, of course.’
Mike actually blushed when I said that.
‘Of course I’d like to,’ he said after a short silence. ‘But I didn’t like to presume anything. You invited me in for a coffee and as far as I was concerned that was all you meant. Nothing beyond. Well, coffee and a chat.’
I was slightly hurt when he said that.
‘Don’t you find me attractive?’
‘Very much so. And yes, I freely admit that when I saw you in the pub you had – an effect on me. Not simple lust though of course that came into it. It went far beyond anything as – expected – as lust. I felt as if there was an instant bond between us and I was quite shaken by that feeling.’
‘So what’s the problem? Don’t you want to kiss me?’
‘Of course I do. But it’s not that simple.’
‘Why not? Kissing’s not exactly rocket science!’
‘No, of course not, but it tends to lead on to – other things.’
I laughed when he said that.
‘What, fucking, you mean? Well, big boy, I’m up for a good fucking if you are!’
He gave me a sad look when I said that.
‘I’d better go,’ he said. ‘Otherwise I may find myself doing something we both regret.’
I got angry when he said that.
‘I don’t get you at all. You say you find me attractive but you won’t fuck me or even kiss me. What’s the problem? Or is it you think I’m some fucking slut? Let me tell you, moosh, loads of blokes at uni have wanted to fuck me and I’ve said no to all of them. It’s only YOU I want to fuck!’
‘I’m flattered,’ he said. ‘But it’s not because I think you’re a slut that I won’t. Look at the age difference between us – how old are you, Linda? 18, 19? I’m 38 years old. When you’re 30 I’ll be 50 and when you’re 40 I’ll be 60. Doesn’t that bother you?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s what’s in your heart that matters and not what’s written on your birth certificate.’
‘How do you think your parents would react if they knew? Don’t you think they’d look on me a dirty old man – or at least a dirty middle aged one?’
‘Maybe they would. But I can live with that. Once they get to know you they’ll come round.’
‘Perhaps, but mine would never accept you. Especially my mother. Anyway, we wouldn’t be good for one another. I’m damaged goods, Linda.’
‘So am I, Mike. Well damaged. Almost beyond repair but I honestly believe the two of us can heal each other.’
Then I told him about how my life had been and he listened in stunned but sympathetic silence.
‘You’ve seen a lot of life for one so young, haven’t you?’
‘I suppose so. Has all that put you off me?’
This time he put his arm around me and gave me a sad smile.
‘Not at all,’ he said quietly. ‘Thank you for your honesty. I’m genuinely honoured and touched that you trusted me with – such difficult and intimate private details. Hidden grief is generally a burden. What you shared with me today will remain between the two of us.’
‘Your turn now,’ I said. ‘You reckon you’re damaged goods so tell me your sad story.’
So Mike told me about his psycho bitch of a mother who used to beat him regularly as a child and once even tried to kill him. His family were narcissistic snobs and completely money mad and he was the black sheep of the family because he’d chosen a different path.
He also told about being raped at the age of 15 by three gay men and i was angry and sad for him. At least he caught up with each one individually and beat the hell out of them!
Then he told me how his heart had been broken when he fell in love with an American girl living in England. They’d been an item for two years before she left him for a man who at the time was his best friend.
This double betrayal shook him and he became frozen inside, incapable of trusting anyone or showing affection.
We were both damaged goods, two lost souls yearning to love and be loved and yet we’d both been hurt by others.
After the mutual sharing of grief we hugged one another.
What we had went way beyond sex.
We were twin souls mean to be together.
All I had to do know was make Mike realise that!
lostbetweentwoworlds 